Sorry to be so blunt, but at some point in your wedding planning you are going to experience decision fatigue. Pick up any wedding planner (oh, first decide which planner you want) and you will begin to get an idea of just how many decisions are involved in planning your queer wedding. From the venue to the invitations, to the type of booze you serve, even the color of the table linens, you and your beloved will likely be making hundreds of decisions. It can be mentally exhausting and a source of conflict in your relationship.
Wikipedia defines decision fatigue as referring “to the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual, after a long session of decision-making.” Our dance instructor, Andrea, defined it as the cause of her hitting the “fuck it moment” and assured us that we too would hit this point – likely somewhere between the ‘should we invite my homophobic aunt’ and ‘what type of font do we want on the invitations’ – when we just wouldn’t care anymore.
Before you get too stressed out, let us assure you decision fatigue is normal and here are some things you can do to help:
1. Take time to NOT think about the wedding. For example, we tried not to talk about it during dinner lest someone choke. You might also try taking an entire day to do and think about something, anything, other than wedding planning.
2. Delegate some decisions to your wedding coordinator or vendors. Or, have them select three choices for you based on what they know of you, your theme, your likes and dislikes to narrow the field of possibilities. Try not to micromanage them, you’ll both be happier.
3. Once you’ve made a decision don’t revisit it again and again; don’t second guess yourself. There is always going to be something else to capture your attention or imagination whether it’s on Pinterest or in the latest wedding magazine. Know when to stop.
4. Call a friend. Maybe not the same one over and over.
5. Ask someone who is already married what mattered to them in the end…was it really the color of the table cloth, the personalized matches, or the number of mason jars? This will help put things in perspective.
6. Sleep on it. You’ll make better decisions after some rest. If that fails, then drink on it. This is a great way to stress test your signature cocktail.
7. Keep your sense of humor. Helen found a funny blog post about wedding decision fatigue that had us both cracking up. Then Helen got to the sweet ending that put it all into perspective, and she cried happy tears. Laugher and tears. Good medicine.
Enjoy your queer wedding!
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